"I am like the opposite of artificial intelligence. Genuine stupidity." —@surajdukhii
As much as I want to spend less time online, the chaos, funny moments, and real-time pop culture reactions on Twitter keep me wide-eyed, phone-in-hand, screen bright, and scrolling.
HBO / Via Twitter: @iminamtg
So here we are again — another week where I will share all the funny tweets I found for you. Between the Kendrick and Drake rap beef, Challengers movie release, and the general spring fever in the air, there was no shortage of funny moments, so let's get right into 'em:
1.
i understand that my body can't digest corn or whatever. that's fine. my issue is that i f*cking chewed it. how the hell is it coming out back in the shape of corn. what are they not telling us
— tate (@50FirstTates) April 29, 2024
2.
Selecting all images with traffic lights https://t.co/EGatdbjjBf
— Rapido ◣ ◢ (@rapidodraws) April 30, 2024
3.
sometimes you chop one onion and put it in a pan and think, this simply won’t do. so you chop another onion and put it in the pan, and now you have the amount of onions a clown would eat, at the circus
— corn (@normal_food) April 30, 2024
4.
weeping uncontrollably at skee ball because my nephew whiffed a five leg parlay and now I can't afford dental https://t.co/su4nvyo88S
— Dan Toomey (@dhtoomey) April 30, 2024
Tiffany Rose/Getty Images for Six Degrees or Influence / Via Twitter: @dhtoomey
5.
When I tell you this has me in TEARS!!!! pic.twitter.com/RfrBxTYAE6
— TheBlackPlumbob (@TheBlkPlumbob) April 30, 2024
PBS / Via Twitter: @TheBlkPlumbob
6.
did he burglarize the Wii bowling alley https://t.co/cgzY8QSxTR
— Matt Margolis (@ItsMattsLaw) April 29, 2024
Kent Police / Via Twitter: @ItsMattsLaw
7.
WHAT IS THIS 😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/xQUuL3XqQ0
— daniel 🦕🍉 (@pheremoneocean) May 4, 2024
8.
i am like the opposite of artificial intelligence. genuine stupidity.
— smokeyhouse (@surajdukhii) April 30, 2024
9.
I love saying “sounds good” at work and don’t sh*t sound good
— betel (@betelreloaded) May 1, 2024
10.
i feel like when my landlord gets my rent they should text me like “thank you!!” or “got it ♥️” or something
— Youngmi MAYER 💜 (@ymmayer) May 1, 2024
11.
MGM /Courtesy Everett Collection / Via Twitter: @sxspirium
12.
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) May 3, 2024*me, rearranging my spice rack alphabetically* Ok, what comes after thyme?
Cyndi Lauper: thyme
13.
It has come to my attention, that describing my neighbor as “Dead behind the eyes” is perhaps, rude and morbid. I apologize. Moving forward, I will now describe my neighbor as “Lookin like she has the dvd logo bouncin around her skull.” Way more fun and lively I think.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 2, 2024
14.
f*ck it I just don’t care anymore what’s the point pic.twitter.com/0MZ3U20079
— gently used ass rag (@mastergoobway) May 1, 2024
16.
Instead of “happy hour” I wanna go to a “grievance hour” where the drinks and appetizers are half price and everyone steps up to the microphone but instead of karaoke they complain about their lives
— Grip Bayless💕 (@talleyberrybaby) May 3, 2024
17.
— androacid (@androacid) May 3, 20249pm at a sleepover: omg this is so fun we should paint our nails next
3am at a sleepover: https://t.co/F8GJ5xy92t
18.
I loveeee having 3 martinis I understand why my dad chose this over raising me
— 777 (@_garrettcharles) May 3, 2024
19.
Best friends are so crazy like wow this person would kill for me but also if I mispronounce a word in front of them they will make fun of me for it forever
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) May 5, 2024
20.
The men are rapping about taking ozempic and getting lipo…WE NEED MECHANICS
— Amari Symoné (@MarMarr08) May 4, 2024
21.
Lin Manuel Miranda https://t.co/1F6muIMm64
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) May 4, 2024
22.
my car is f*cked pic.twitter.com/qCL1NHWtHr
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) May 1, 2024
23.
why are all the "cozy games" about managing a small business or working on a farm. these are the two least relaxing things you can do
— sorrel (@sorrelquest) May 2, 2024
24.
@coolhandluka_ / Via Twitter: @coolhandluka_
25.
I have 100 cookbooks written by real chefs and cooks but instead every night I Google “food weeknight dinner fast” and make a recipe from a blog I will never visit again called like Parsnips and Cowlicks or Girl With a Spatula or Hearts of Pam
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 4, 2024
26.
This is still one of the greatest autographs of all time. pic.twitter.com/9ZC84jTzbe
— Eric Alper 🎧 (@ThatEricAlper) May 2, 2024
27.
Someone on Nantucket bought a cybertruck and the local newspaper has been following them around making fun of them pic.twitter.com/QREU2QIOJi
— wendy’s kid (@JermHimselfish) May 4, 2024
28.
I used to calm myself down in elementary school by imagining this poster pic.twitter.com/9OlHmLsuTT
— charity genius (@BoneWarper) April 29, 2024
Trend Enterprises / Via trendenterprises.com
29.
bro it’s 1 am. my son sits up & projectile vomits everywhere, the whole bed, both sides of the floor, the bathroom when we got him there. it was some Are We There Yet? sh*t. when he’s done, he gets up chipper as ever. feeling GREAT & says “mama why do humans have hair?” girlWHAT? pic.twitter.com/7uzhOXZNAY
— Kemi Marie (they/them) (@kemimarie) May 5, 2024
30.
THE WORDING 😭😭😭😭 like yes she did babes! for almost 9 years! pic.twitter.com/3cTRpLOGqh
— tor (@emailsavenue) May 1, 2024
@gypsyblanchard.tiktok / Via tiktok.com
31.
TSA lady was scannin my id & was like Girl ik them nails was $150 n i said No they was $40😭 & she looked at me like 😐 n pulled me to the side n made me write down who did em Then the security guard gon say Look she cant even write in them sh*ts she holdin the pen like a caveman pic.twitter.com/7cjaUlP0vA
— tia (@dontfacetimeme) May 4, 2024
Nickelodeon / Via Twitter: @dontfacetimeme
32.
— tabitha (@thetolerantweft) May 5, 2024Dental hygienist: you have to floss more. stop drinking so much coffee and tea. You CANNOT go on living like this
Dentist: (holding my jaw to inspect it like a prized horse) yup lookin good
33.
it looks like he’s guest starring on hannah montana https://t.co/xhx5Di8r7R
— DJ (@DonTheCreator_) May 1, 2024
CBS / Via Twitter: @DonTheCreator_
That's it for this week! Don't forget to shoot these creators a follow if they made you laugh. And if you're looking for more tweets to keep ya laughing, check out our previous roundups:
24 Hilarious Tweets From The Week Because Humor Makes Everythinggg Better
I Can't Help But Cackle At These 29 Funny Little Tweets From The Week
